


Enunciate; Another Starling Easter Egg

by LaDemonessa



Series: Shadow of the Quiet Man [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: #Anybody but Oliver, #Batlicity, #Drunk dialing infomercials, #Sara is AWESOME, #TeamBatlicity, F/F, Gen, Shadow of the Quiet Man, The Starling Mysteries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDemonessa/pseuds/LaDemonessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunken confessions during an infomercial marathon based on a conversation in the comments section of Still Waters and Quiet Men.</p><p>See, this is why y'all should start reading the comments sections. That's where the magic *really* happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enunciate; Another Starling Easter Egg

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: Based on a comment made by a good friend and fellow Batlicity enthusiast who pointed to this particular bit of dialog in Chapter 29 of Still Waters and Quiet Men. Her comment was as follows:
> 
> //REreading. Again. Cannot help myself. And I checked the comments to see if I had already praised you for this exchange and I had not, so here it is:
> 
> “Holy shit! You fucked Batman!” Sara hissed quietly. “Batman? And you didn’t tell me?”
> 
> “To be fair it isn’t that easy to work something like that into a conversation,” Felicity shrugged.
> 
> “Bullshit!” Sara snorted, “Sometime between that bottle of Patron and the Grey Goose we liberated from the bar when I was telling you about the time I had a foursome with Oliver and a couple of female exchange students from Sweden you could have worked in ‘By the way, Batman busted my cherry in his Batcave,’ and, I promise you, I would have paid attention.”
> 
> The reason it resonated with me now is that I wicked miss Sara Lance in canon, and wish she wasn't dead so that she could seriously go to lunch with Felicity and have this exact conversation. So very, very in character for her! For both of them. Nice!//
> 
> So, being the Demon of Mischief, I decided that she was right and that that conversation should have taken place after all, so here it is. 
> 
> (See, now this is why I treat my comment’s sections like discussion forums instead. Good things happen when you just let people talk unfiltered; they wind up getting their very own Shadow Story.)
> 
> For my friend, here's your Shadow fic. ;p
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> \---Jen

 

Enunciate; Another Starling Easter Egg

By JA Ingram

"So here we are, I've got the blonde's thighs wrapped around my head while the redhead is going down on me in a daisy chain, and Ollie is just sitting there pouting because we've forgotten about him but, hey? Can you blame us?" Sara slurred as she took another large swallow of tequila straight from the bottle. "Anyway, it was probably *the* hottest sexual experience of my life even though Ollie refused to talk to me for three days afterwards because he wound up being sidelined the whole night without so much as a blowjob to show for it. I mean, can I help it if they were more into me than they were into him? No, but all he could do is bitch and whine about he's the one who took the heat from his dad for renting out the Presidential suite, and yet all he got to do was watch." She made a disgusted noise, "He used to be such an asshole before the island. Had a big dick though, and that tongue..." she sighed. "You know, yeah, it was five years of hell and all, but it definitely improved his game, let me tell you." She took another drink. "Old Ollie was good, don't get me wrong, but fucking was always such a big production with him. He had a thing for slutty lingerie and stripper shoes. What is it with guys and shoes anyway?" She asked as she handed her the bottle.

"I have no idea," Felicity said taking another drink then looked at her blearily, "You speak Swedish?"

She frowned, "What?"

"You said they were Swedish exchange students."

"Oh. No," she told her. "But, then again, there wasn't exactly a whole lot of talking going on since my mouth was otherwise occupied. The only Swedish I needed to know was, 'Oh Gud! Mer! Hårdare!'" She said in a drunken embellishment then sighed, "I should look them up some time. Meja and Lova," she said rolling the names over her tongue. "And, let me tell you, Meja really Lova my native tongue, if you know what I mean." Sara inhaled sharply in an aborted half-yawn then narrowed her eyes at her, "You're awfully quiet."

"Hmm?" Felicity said, blinking at her from the other end of the couch. The two women were sprawled out drunkenly, their legs in a tangle as they handed the bottle between them.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"'Cause you were talking and 'cause I'm trying to watch the TV at the same time," she said, enunciating each and every word carefully in a manner that Sara found to be both admirable and adorable at the same time, especially given how drunk they were. "I think I should buy that," she said, turning her attention once again to an infomercial for a hair removal system.

Drunk Felicity was adorable. Drunk Felicity on infomercials was priceless, Sara thought as she watched her eyes get big as she oohed and ahhed over the slickly produced commercials that promised the world on a silver platter for one easy payment of $19.95. She’d never admit it sober and in the light of day, but she loved their drunken infomercial sleep overs. Her favorite part though came four to six weeks afterwards when whatever China made piece of shit Felicity drunk dialed finally came in the mail. It was hilarious; Felicity would call her to bring over a bottle of whatever so they could do the official ‘unwrapping’ ceremony which inevitably led to the ‘it looked a lot more impressive on TV’ talk, followed by a lot of drinking and then the cycle continued on.

She glanced over at her brand new Keith Urban ‘30 Songs in 30 Days 50-Piece All Wood Acoustic Guitar Package’ (or, as they’d officially dubbed it, the ‘We got drunk during a re-run of American Idol package’), and grinned. While Sara neither had the time or the inclination to learn to play the guitar, seeing Felicity’s eyes light up like Christmas morning on ‘unwrapping day’, followed by the cute little flush of pink on her cheeks later in the evening when she was three sheets to the wind, made it all worth it.

“Yeah, I’m definitely buying that,” Felicity said excitedly, "that way we can be all smooth and pretty and never have to deal with embarrassing stubble ever again. See; it's buy one get one free so you can have the black one and I'll take the pink one and we can help each other with the hard to reach places."

Sara snickered at the unintentional double entendre and watched in amusement as the other woman flailed her arms helplessly in an effort to reach her purse that was six inches further than her arms would allow.

"I love you," Sara said with a sloppy grin as she watched the other woman make a gimme gesture towards her purse that, for some reason, refused to move despite being summoned. “You remind me of a kitty cat. A cute little drunk kitty cat with a credit card and no self-control whatsoever.”

"I love you, too," Felicity told her as her brow furrowed in consternation. "Damn, missed it! Now they're showing something about a--what is that?" She peered myopically at the television, "Ooh, chicken rotisserie. I like chicken. We should buy that."

"Wh'a...wah's your favorite?" Sara asked her, swaying slightly as she attempted to lift her head from the couch cushion.

"What?" She asked her, "I dunno if I have a favorite, I jus' like chicken."

"Not about the chicken; sex!" She said with a snort. "Wha's your favorite sex story?"

"Oh. Well, I only got the one," she said with a shrug.

"One?" Sara frowned. "Tha's it? You only done it one time?"

"Yup," Felicity said, accepting the bottle again. “I mean, nope. I did it one time a lot but only with one person…one time.” She frowned in confusion, “That didn’t sound right. I mean, I did it, and then I did it more, but it was just that one time.” She paused. “That still didn’t sound right.”

"With who?"

"You won't believe me," she said, snickering drunkenly.

"Try me," she said with a slow grin. "It was Ollie, wasn't it?"

"No!" She said emphatically.

"Who?" She demanded.

"Guess."

"Uh..." Sara's brow furrowed, "Was it me?"

"No," the other woman said with a snort.

"Damn, that would have been nice," she said downcast. "Do you want it to be me?" She asked hopefully. "Because it can be. Jus'--jus' gimme a minute to figure out which of these feet are mine and I'll be right down there," she said as she began wiggling their intertwined limbs helplessly. "I think my legs fell asleep. That or I'm paralyzed because I can't seem to feel anything," she said, pinching Felicity's foot curiously.

"No, it wasn't you and I think the ones with the blue nail polish are mine," she said as the other woman began doing 'This little piggy' in drunken sing-song with her toes.

"I give up then; who?" She asked. "Not Diggle or Roy, I hope?"

"No!" She sputtered. "Although Dig does have pretty eyes. And mig bussles. Big muskles. Big musk--his arms are huge," she said at last.

"I think Roy's hot," Sara drawled. "He looks like a girl and a boy all at the same time so he's kind of like the best of both worlds."

"Roy doesn't look like a girl!" Felicity laughed.

"If you put him in a dress and a wig, Roy would...he would look like a girl," Sara insisted. "Like a very ugly girl with a weird jaw but still," she took another drink, "I'd so tap that ass."

"Looks aren't everything," Felicity agreed. "Besides, he has pretty eyes, too."

"He does have pretty eyes," Sara mused. "I wonder if we could get him to put on a dress just to see though?"

"Thea could make him do it," Felicity said confidently.

Sara sat up and grinned, "We should totally get her to do that! And heels, too! I want to see that tight ass in a pencil skirt and some heels and then I'm gonna spank it! Like, 'WHA-POW! Who's your daddy?'" Her grin broadened and she hitched her thumbs toward her breast, “‘I’ll tell you who; me! That’s who! Boo-yah!’ an’ then I’d spank it more because that would be totally hot.”

"Yeah, but Thea might get mad though," she told her.

"I'd do Thea," Sara said pursing her lips slightly. "Actually, I'd do our whole team. I love our team," she said wistfully.

"I love our team, too," Felicity agreed.

“We should have like a group hug or something.”

“That would be nice,” the other woman agreed. “We can make it a thing where, right before we go on missions, we could hug it out.”

“Yeah. And we should do it naked.”

Felicity snorted, “You’re such a perv.”

“No, I’m not,” she said taking the bottle from her once more. “I’m just really into team building activities that involve being naked.”

“You know, I do have a dress that would look good on Roy,” Felicity said thoughtfully. “It’s red, too. He’d like that. Dunno what we’ll do about the shoes…”

"Stop distracting me with pretty Roy in a dress," Sara said with a frown. "Tell me your sex story."

"Fine," she said with a sigh. "The first time I had sex it was in a...."

"In a what?" the other woman prompted, "A car? A hotel room? A French maid's uniform? What?"

"Do French maids really dress like that?" Felicity asked, tilting her head curiously.

"I don't know," she said slowly. "I'll bet Roy would look good as a French Maid."

"He probably wouldn't do a very good job of cleaning though," Felicity said sleepily.

"Hey! No! No sleeping! Not until you tell me," Sara ordered, jostling her with her foot.

"Oh, uh, the first time I had sex was in a cave," she said blearily.

"A cave?"

"With bats," she added.

Sara looked at her askance, "You had sex for the first time in a bat cave?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

"'Cause it was with Batman and he likes bats," Felicity mumbled

"You had sex with Batman in a bat cave," Sara repeated drolly. “Batman popped your cherry in a cave with bats because he likes bats and lives in a bat cave.”

"Uh huh," Felicity agreed.

"Okay, bed time," she said, swinging her legs off the couch. "You're too drunk."

"No, I'm not!" Felicity objected even if she allowed the other woman to pull her to her feet as they stumbled towards her room.

"Yes, you are," Sara said as she steered her towards the bedroom. "Now take off all your clothes."

"Why?" Felicity asked even though she obeyed, "Are you gonna help me put on my jammies?" She snorted.

"Nope," Sara said with a slow grin, "I'm just gonna teach you some Swedish instead."

_end_


End file.
